A Picnic For Perverts - a book of short stories by Adam Fletcher
When I told people I was going to write a book of short comedy stories and letters to celebrities, they said "Adam, don't do that, no-one will care". That got me thinking about the monkey/ladder experiment. 5 monkeys are placed in a room. A banana is hung on the ceiling, above a ladder. As soon as any monkey attempts to climb the ladder all the monkeys are sprayed with freezing cold water. The monkeys learn, ladder = freezing cold water for everyone. Next, the scientists remove one monkey and replaced it with a new monkey. Naturally, this monkey heads straight for the ladder. At which point he is beaten up by the other monkeys. Why? He doesn't know, but learns it's best not to touch the ladder. The scientists continue swapping out the monkeys...
By the end, even once the water is turned off, you have five monkeys beating each other up to stop them touching a ladder and not a single one of them knows why.
A Picnic For Perverts is me defying popular wisdom and launching myself at that ladder. It may get us all wet.
In the book:
Multiple Versions
Pdf, Mobi (Kindle) and ePub (iPad) versions all included when you buy the Ebook edition, offering 205 pages of brand new fiction awesomeness optimised for your reader.
Humour
My book contains 1154 official jokes. Another 255 were unintended but still hilarious. Sometimes I just can't stop. Stories optimised to last the duration of the average bowel movement, making APFP a great toilet read.
Professional Editing
Obviously I can't speal and punctuate, but my editor can! So relax. My book looks and reads like the pros, instead of looking like the ramblings of a dyslexic child with a red crayon.
Not in the book:
Obvious love stories
Will they? Won't they? Will they? Yes, they will. There are only two main characters, one is man, the other is a woman. They will.
Lost Dogs
Jipper the Labrador is on a heartwarming adventure to get home, teaching us all important lessons in loyalty and friendship.
Wizards and Vampires
Grow up kids, that shits retarded.
I'm unconvinced. Tell me more...
No problemo. Here is a run down of the chapters in the book described in a cryptic manner using just three nouns and one adjective. The chapters don't interrelate in any way. Well, other than the fact I wrote them all. Which is probably obvious.
- 419 Scam - Lagos. 419 Scam. Parrot. Naive.
- A Gorilla In Sheep’s Clothing - HR Departments. Sheep. Gorilla. Truthful.
- A Letter to Steve Jobs Concerning the Beatles - John Lennon. Leonardo da Vinci. Steve Jobs. Conspiratorial.
- Aggression in the Pursuit of Excellence - Charades. Families. Christmas. Absurd.
- Dear God - Child. God. Letter. Innocent.
- Don’t Ask me, it’s my First Day Here - Futurologist. Interview. Capitalism. Optimistic.
- Girl In Green at Table 14 - Letter. Cafe. Love. Heartwarming.
- Hello Flenky - Letter. Father. Son. Fearful.
- If it makes you happy - Letter. Sheryl Crow. Alcoholism. Happy.
- Like, how American am I? - Americans. Test. Science. Annoying.
- Mini You - Fatherhood. Relationship. Children. Mean.
- Mystic Marilyn - Horoscopes. Pseudoscience. Leo. Discrediting.
- Pidge Daddy - Pigeons. God. Adultery. Secretive.
- Quadrup - Aliens. Earth. Procreation. Illuminating.
- Ransom Note - Ransom. Marriage. Wife. Jesting.
- Sales Advice from Senior Seller Chip Dalton - Stationery. Americanism. Sales Advice. Scientific.
- The Average Day in the Life of a Woman - Women. Marriage. Relationships. Offensive.
- The Holes The Goal - Q&A with pick up artist Pat Spritzel - Interview. Advice. Women. Seductive.
- Wassup - God. Stoner. Seamonkeys. Disappointing.
- We the Sheeple - Note. Bus Driver. Society. Rebellious.
Probably you can't believe there's more, but, take a break from throwing your money at the screen while I inform you - there is. The book also contains 7 hilarious fake product ads for such outlandish products as The Thin Suit and The Nihilists 8-Ball. I know, I spoil you!
